Or how not to blame yourself for being human…
Or stop beating yourself up!
This blog and podcast is unique because it has three different titles all about blame.
The reason for this is simple. When many of us first embark on our spiritual journeys, we discover that we bear the responsibility for how our lives currently are.
If you just did a massive double take, please just hear me out.
Since our beliefs come from a thought repeated over and over, and our thoughts lead to how we feel which produce actions which create our results…
Well, we create our lives.
So figuring out that we created something we don’t want in our lives can be very upsetting.
Many people even reject this concept at the beginning:
“Why would I create pain for myself?”
“I would never make myself suffer like I have if I was in control.”
And I understand.
It’s easier to blame someone or something – God or an ex or an alcoholic parent – for the discomfort or hurt we may have gone through.
But the thing is we really do create our reality with the way we think and feel.
At least as adults, we do.
By allowing those feelings and thoughts to make us act or react in certain ways.
For example, we don’t like our job so we do it kinda half-assed.
We don’t give it our all, so when a promotion or raise comes up, we don’t get one.
Or maybe our significant other doesn’t take out the trash as often as we’d like.
We don’t say anything, though. We just expect that person to KNOW.
We get resentful, which leads to us eventually exploding at them. Then we keep fighting, and soon our happy relationship isn’t so happy.
Once you learn that you are causing the results in your life by how you think about your struggles, it can be amazingly empowering.
You are the one in control of your thoughts, so guess what?
If you don’t like certain aspects of your life, you can change them.
Yay for you! Yay for all of us!
Since we can change the way we think and react to our circumstances, all of our problems become fixable.
The fixing may take some time, but just knowing the power to fix things resides within you feels so good.
But there can be a pitfall to realizing you’re what my mentor Kelli Cooper calls a conscious creator. And that pitfall is to blame yourself and beat yourself up for all your past mistakes.
I did this, so I totally get it.
When I initially discovered the Law of Attraction and similar spiritual teachings, I realized I had created some things in my life that I really hated.
So my reaction?
I tore myself a new one!
How could I be so stupid? Such a moron?
Now I have to deal with this painful, unwanted situation all because I’m an idiot! God!
Yeah… not so helpful.
After ripping into myself until it felt like my soul was broken and bleeding on the floor, I started sobbing.
I began to think about how bad of a person I was. That I was weak. That I couldn’t do anything right. That I was a mess who’d caused my life to be a mess.
This went on for quite a while…
Needless to say, my suffering continued…
So if you’re the type of person who tends to flagellate yourself when you make any kind of mistake, listen to this next part very carefully:
It is NOT your fault.
While it’s true that we create our own reality, we didn’t know that originally. We didn’t realize the power each of our decisions have.
We didn’t comprehend what the repercussions of undervaluing ourselves would be.
Some of the things I did before I became aware of the way life actually works:
- I expected people to just know I was upset and somehow intuit the reason why without me explaining it
- I made a job decision based on the offer of a raise, even though I knew what the job entailed and that I wouldn’t enjoy it
- I always thought people were judging me and assuming the worst about me
- I overate at most of my meals and ate very unhealthy junk food but thought I should be skinnier because of how hard I physically worked at my job
- I believed many rich people received their wealth through nefarious means and that money was the root of all evil, but couldn’t understand why I could never get ahead financially
Those are just a few examples. And each of those thoughts were poisonous.
While it’s important that we take responsibility for our actions so we don’t repeat our mistakes, hating yourself is not going to help.
Blame is an emotion that never helps anyone. Beating yourself up only hurts you and makes you feel super crappy.
Just as importantly, it doesn’t solve any of your problems.
Every mistake you’ve ever made has led you to where you are right now. You are learning. You are growing. And that is a wonderful – if sometimes difficult – thing.
So give yourself a freaking break, okay?
None of us do everything perfectly in this life. And if we did, we’d totally miss the point. The point of this life is to try new things, to stretch ourselves and challenge our fears.
Doing that allows us to be our best selves and brings us greater peace and happiness than we could’ve ever achieved otherwise.
And that’s what most of us really want from this life, to feel peaceful and happy.
So if you’re beating yourself up for creating something unpleasant in your life or doing something wrong, please stop.
Give yourself a hug and forgive whatever it was, whether you did it or someone else did.
If you need to be angry, then be angry. If you need to be sad or cry, be sad and cry. But after feeling and expressing that, release that emotion.
Don’t keep harboring it inside of you like some escaped fugitive.
Things like that tend to fester. They cause unnecessary stress. They can even make us sick.
So let them go.
Forgive yourself. Know that all of us have made and will continue to make mistakes.
That’s part of the process.
That’s part of the journey.
Let the blame go.
See what you’ve created so far as the observer. Look at your life through the lens of a fascinated, curious perspective. Don’t judge it as good or bad. Just see it for what it is.
Be gentle with yourself. Be compassionate with yourself. Appreciate and love yourself.
And release the blame.
Did you know that this podcast and all my Facebook Live videos are also now available on YouTube? Check out my channel under my name: Jeannie Hall. I’d love it if you dropped by and subscribed. ?