So lately, I’ve been struggling with lots of ick.
And with that ick came some pretty severe self doubt.
It’s come up all of the sudden, without warning or provocation.
And it sucks ass.
The thing is when we feel the ick, we have a choice to make.
- Get past it.
I’ve honestly been tempted to wallow – I mean, it’s easy, right?
Also wallowing is totally what I would’ve done in the past.
But I know that wallowing is indulging in an emotion that doesn’t serve me.
So as tempted as I’ve been to do a Bart Simpson by screaming “Hell damn fart!” and hide in my bed, that’s not gonna help me.
It’s not gonna make me feel better.
It’s not gonna bring my dream life to me any faster.
It’s not gonna get rid of the ick.
So I did what Master Life Coach Brooke Castillo calls a thought download.
I’ve mentioned both Brooke and thought downloads on this podcast before, but just in case you’re not familiar with either, let me explain:
A thought download is when you set a timer, sit down with pen and paper, and write exactly what’s in your mind.
You don’t sensor your words – if you feel like writing “fuck” then write “fuck” – don’t limit yourself in any way.
Don’t worry about grammar or handwriting or anything else.
Write down whatever comes out when you think about what’s been bothering you.
Be absolutely and brutally honest no matter what.
Just doing this alone – writing all this stuff down – will help to exorcise some of those nasty little emotional demons.
So if you’re struggling with something or feel covered in ick, try this.
I dare you to be real with yourself.
I double dog dare you.
I know it helped me.
And using myself as a case study, I decided to share my own download with you deleting repeats and when I couldn’t read my own writing:
- I feel gross
- Like nothing I do matters
- Like I’m not getting anywhere
- I don’t want to be here
- I want to leave, to quit
- So sick of this, sick & tired
- Why am I still here?
- Why isn’t this working?
- Want traction
- Want to see the way
- Want to get out
- Want money so I can do what I want without NEEDING to stay here
Okay, so this is the barebones of mine.
After you do yours, you’re going to want to look at it.
Sometimes we can be really surprised by some of the stuff that spews out of us.
I was surprised at the pure vitriol underlying mine.
I knew I was getting frustrated, and I knew I felt disappointed sometimes, but this?
The vehemence I felt when writing…
I pushed the pen down hard on the paper and everything!
So now you’re going to want to analyze the individual thoughts and see if any kind of pattern emerges.
In mine I saw the thought, “I want out” a lot.
What I want out of is my day job.
I knew that, but I didn’t realize how frustrated I was still feeling.
Like frustrated to the point of wanting to throw something.
As someone who has been studying A Course in Miracles, Abraham-Hicks, Law of Attraction, NLP and other spiritual teachings, I guess I felt like I should be further along than this.
I meditate, I listen to personal development podcasts, and I work to think positive thoughts all the time.
So why am I still feeling this frustrated?
Well, my take on it is that I’m still very much a human.
Though I believe all of us are spiritual beings connected to the divine and perfect in that state, the state I’m in now is flawed.
As a human I still get angry and down on myself.
I still get tears of frustration in my eyes if I feel like a failure.
Even though I know failure’s a part of success, it still feels super shitty.
That’s just the truth.
So I feel like a failure.
Not because I feel like I’ll always be one, but because I feel like one right now.
Have I gotten a client yet?
Have I made significant amounts of money in my new business?
Have I created the online course I was so excited about?
Does that feel like an utter and complete failure?
But here’s the thing, dear listeners. It’s not a failure.
Because there are a few more questions I can still ask.
Have I helped anyone since starting this Writing in your Jammies venture?
I’ve helped people I’ve worked with. And I daresay I’ve helped people through social media, too.
For thirty days straight I broadcasted a Facebook Live tackling some sort of issue, whether writer’s block or self confidence.
And based on the comments, I have to conclude that I helped at least a couple of my Facebook friends.
Have I increased my visibility?
My subscriber list for my newsletter has increased from four to over a hundred.
Pretty damn conclusive evidence by anyone’s standard.
I’ve shared over fifty podcasts and blog posts.
I’ve written six books.
I’ve revamped my website so everything is easy to get to for anyone who might stop by.
I’ve optimized my Pinterest page, too, among other things.
So how is that failing?
It’s not, my friends, it’s not.
But when I focused on where I still am – my day job rather than working for myself and for you – well, that’s all I could see.
Understanding that helps so much.
So I could go back to my thought of needing to get out, but I no longer think I have to.
The answers I needed I already have.
Am I a failure by not being as far along as I’d like to be right now?
Because I’ve made tons of progress!
And progress is movement.
Movement = momentum.
And with enough momentum, you are guaranteed to reach that state of bliss we’re all after.
Whew! Feeling of ick is officially gone now!
So if you find yourself struggling like I’ve been, don’t forget to give yourself credit for what you HAVE done.
What you HAVE accomplished.
Because I promise you, you have accomplished something.
You’ve accomplished lots of somethings.
And that’s what you can focus on.
Just being fully cognizant of what insidious little asshole of a thought is messing with your head can be the exact thing you need to put a stop to it.
And once you stop the asshole – i.e. the ick – you can move forward again.
I love you all and wish you an ick-free day, week, month, and year!