Transformation: Podcast 45


Transformation starts with a vague sense of unease, of feeling like something isn’t quite right. 

The beginning of transformation is that little niggling feeling at the nape of your neck. That uncomfortable feeling you don’t know how to define.

It’s a feeling of absence, of something missing. An emptiness inside you.

You don’t know where it came from usually. And for a while, many of us ignore it. 

We may try to avoid those feelings by indulging in a vice instead. 

Maybe we smoke or drink. Maybe we throw ourselves into our work. Maybe we overeat. 

But eventually a few of us start to recognize that emptiness, that antsy uneasiness is still there.

Are you feeling this in your life right now? 

If you are, then take heart. You may just be on the initial stages of the best journey you’ll ever embark upon.

Discovery of Transformation 

When many of us start to realize that some parts of our lives aren’t what we want them to be, it can be disconcerting. Even upsetting.

But please understand. The journey of self transformation is a gift. From start to finish. 

Any time you feel those icky uncomfortable feelings, that is an invitation to look at those feelings more closely.

Really examine them. Why are you feeling icky? What parts of your life are you unsatisfied with? 

Once you’ve identified the problem, you can then figure out what the solution may be.

Personally, I’m someone who felt that vague sense of unease in my twenties. Back then, I had no idea what the cause was.

I blamed it on various things like a depressed family member who kept calling me, a lack of money, no car, and being unable to find a job in the field I’d gotten my degree in. 

But none of those circumstances was the actual cause. 

Even then I had so much good in my life. A fabulous husband I’d recently married. A roof over my head, plenty of food and fresh water. I had clothes on my back and a steady – if not fully satisfying – retail job.

In my early twenties, I experienced my first and only real bout of depression. I found myself sobbing uncontrollably for days at a time, but I couldn’t seem to identify why I was so upset.

Eventually, that horrible empty feeling subsided and I found a job I liked much better. I was promoted twice, and I thought life was pretty good.

We were able to buy a car for me, and things were looking up.

For a while.

Then the manager I’d been working with left. The new manager was very unlike my original manager. Morale went way down throughout the store, and my morale also took a nosedive.

Soon, I started to look for another job. I left retail and began to work for an insurance office. The work itself was unexciting, but I became dear friends with two of the ladies I worked with. 

But then they were moved to another office. 

I was unhappy again.

Are you seeing a pattern here?

When my friends left my office, I suddenly saw my insurance job as what it was – not where I was meant to be.

So I made some drastic changes. 

In my thirties, we moved from Arkansas to Virginia. I became a middle school English teacher. We bought a house, and a new car. 

For the first time ever, I’d been able to actually use the honors degree I’d worked so hard to get. 

So I could finally be happy, right?


I was miserable. And what made my misery even worse was knowing I’d spent so much time and money to get a degree in the wrong profession. 

Which wasn’t quite the case, in actuality. I loved teaching. I loved helping my students learn new things. I loved helping them learn how to think for themselves. I had a lot of fun part of the time. 

The problem was that teaching – at least in American public schools – was as much about test scores and politics as it was about helping kids learn. 

The stress of this knowledge left me constantly ill. So after five years, I left teaching with no job in the offing. 

I did briefly teach English as a Second Language to adults – which I adored. But it didn’t pay enough to live on. 

I tried selling insurance door to door, but failed epically. Even though I managed to set up some appointments, none of my appointments showed up. I was driving to people’s home just to find out they’d stood me up.

During this time I began having panic attacks. 

That was fun! NOT!

I had discovered writing as a passion of mine, but I hadn’t completed my first novel yet. So I went back to the first main field I worked in – retail.

So there I was. In my mid-thirties and back in retail. Part time retail, in fact.

Desperation had become my middle name. 

I tell you this story not to garner sympathy, but to illustrate an important point. 

God/the Universe had been sending sign after sign of which direction I should take, but I kept misunderstanding. 

I was on a journey of transformation but didn’t recognize that fact.

I was letting my circumstances dictate how I felt.

The problem with this is that we can’t control our circumstances. So we’re giving control of our emotions to something completely unreliable. 

I didn’t get that my emotions came from my thoughts. 

I didn’t understand that I could control what I thought about my circumstances, and therefore could feel whichever way I wanted to about my situation.

I didn’t understand that life is about growing and evolving into the best versions of ourselves we can be. 

All the “bad” things that kept happening to me were actual signals trying to guide me in my decision making process. 

If I’d been more aware back then, I might’ve made decisions that put me on a better path way earlier.

But alas, that was not to be. 

I didn’t discover spirituality, the Law of Attraction, and NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) until later. 

It took me crashing and burning a few times before I finally got the message that I needed to look inside of myself for the answers. 

Being connected to the divine means we all have unlimited access to the wisdom of the ages. 

But for a long time I was too busy overeating, freaking out, and believing the only way to make money was to work for some big corporation or the government to see the truth.

We all have unlimited capacities to be whatever we want. 

Life is about transformation. It’s about growing and being willing to see yourself outside of your comfort zone. 

Life is about trusting and having faith in yourself. 

My personal transformation has been about realizing I wanted to help people. I wanted to teach and to write, but I also wanted the freedom to do that in my own way.

Now that I have discovered that, everything has changed for the better. 

I look within and find my own happiness and peace there. 

I look for guidance and new opportunities and find them everywhere. 

I’m embarking on my new life as a coach and online teacher. I’m writing to help people now, which is so amazingly rewarding.

That’s me. 

So as transformations go, I feel like mine has been more than worth it.

What about you?

Are you in the middle or just starting out on your own transformation? Tell me about it in the comments!

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